Flying Solo...

I recently have been thinking of a life-changing moment that occurred a few years ago. I had finished graduate school and was taking some much-needed respite by staying with my sister in Salt Lake. I was trying to figure out my next step, feeling a bit alone, and then found out that an ex-boyfriend was having a baby.
 I was not sad that we weren't together but just a little jealous and wishing I had a husband and children. (As an aside, we all have different dating histories...some people let "the one" go, some haven't found someone that they would want to be with for eternity. I fall in the latter category. I am grateful for the relationships I have had but am not sad to have lost any of them. They were not the right person for me. BUT it doesn't mean I don't wish I had found the right person.) Anyway, I was thinking back on what my life would have been like if I had stayed with this particular ex and then heard the song "Defying Gravity" from Wicked... and burst into tears.

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap

It's time to try Defying gravity
I think I'll try Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down...

I'm through accepting limits
'Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'till I try, I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love - I guess I have lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost

I'd sooner buy Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down...

... So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky
As someone told me lately
Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly

And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me

Tell them how I am Defying gravity
I'm flying high Defying gravity ...

There were a lot of meaningful parts of that song that helped me feel empowered. What hit me the most about the lyrics was a phrase towards the end, "and if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free." I may not have certain blessings in my life right now but I have been amply blessed nonetheless. Heavenly Father has actively helped me not to make a poor choice in the marriage department. I have no regrets on those past choices. And something did change within me. Now when I think back, I just remember the bounty of blessings. I never would have obtained my master's degree had I been married. I would not be able to serve my family to the capacity that I currently do. I have many opportunities at my job that I am grateful for and Heavenly Father has used me to help people in ways I never would have. Eternal marriage is still the goal but Heavenly Father has richly blessed me. To be looking at the grass on the other side and thinking it's greener would be a show of ingratitude and that causes me to not recognize the gorgeous lawn I have on my side. And if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free